The past few posts in my journal were not written "to" you. I am not sure why I didn't write them as if I was writing to you. Somehow my words just didn't come out that way. I didn't feel like I could write to you for some reason. It was as if you were away for a short period. I couldn't feel you near me. It was the emptiest feeling I have ever felt. It makes me wonder about the process we go through after this life as we enter into Heaven. I'm certain you were busy being the newest angel. I wonder if that's the time that our beautiful Savior takes us by the hand and shows us how the world was created. He takes us and shows us the big picture, so we have a perfect understanding and a perfect knowledge. The kind of knowledge He has. It takes us away from everything for a few days. Its earthly days here, but perhaps its only moments there. But now you understand. You have that perfect knowledge of why this all had to happen to our family. You define beauty to me, little one. You know, our Savior disappeared from His grave for 3 days. Poor Mary Magdalene grieved greatly as she did not know where her King had been taken. Then He returned. Our resurrected Savior stood before her and asked her not to weep.
Today has been different.
Today was your actual due date. Daddy has been sick the past 3 days, and today he is finally feeling better. Was your absence what crippled him so as well?Today I managed to find a smile. I love you, baby. Stay near me. Tell me not to weep.
Love, Mommy
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