Sunday, December 2, 2012


March 27, 2011
You know sometimes it would be nice to have pleasant dreams of you. I love the idea of Carly's site. I love her dream that she had and what has come about from her dream. I believe Christian inspired her to do this great thing for all us grieving mommas.
My dreams are different though. I wish so badly that I could have such sweet and pleasant dreams. I guess I have an advantage that I feel so close to you in my day dreams. But I've been cursed with terrible night dreams of you.
I can't write about them. They are difficult to think upon, but I don't dream of you alive if that gives any inclination of what my dreams are like. I guess that's my biggest problem. I have a horrible aversion to the word "dead." I don't want to say it or even think it. I hate that word. You are not dead, you just simply are not alive. My baby was not born dead, you were born sleeping. The word dead just needs to be taken out of existence, don't you think, Bubby? I can't even say the word dead when I'm referring to flowers. This whole grieving process is weird, sweetheart. I sure do miss you.


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