April 16, 2011
Its Alumni weekend, so I haven't seen much of your poor daddy lately. He stays really busy this time of year and it all comes down to this weekend for him. Today was a beautiful day. We've been having some pretty amazing weather. Carolina blue skies, a gorgeous breeze, I am loving my walks lately with Beatrice. They are very therapeutic for me.
My walk today was absolutely miraculous. It still brings tears to my eyes as I write. I was brainstorming more ideas about the balloon launch. I still want to do it just for you, baby boy. I can invite just family and closest friends. That's all I think I want for this year. I want it to be really special. For some reason, I still have that lingering nudge to make it public.
It was very breezy on my walk, but it certainly didn't hinder Miss Bea. As we were walking the breeze caught a flower blossom and it rolled and skipped and tossled right beside us for a long time. I immediately thought of you! Are you taking a walk with us, Charles Patrick?
One thing I've always dreamed about is walking my babies in the neighborhood. We live in the perfect place for walks and I've always looked forward to that day. And here you are walking with your momma!
I got so tickled at this little flower blossom. It kept up with my every step. Soon the petal came to a rest and I actually got a little sad. As soon as it did, a little leaf picked up in its place. Hey baby! So we walked some more. Mind you, I never had to lose my stride, you kept right up with me. As soon as the leaf came to a rest, a little stick picked up in its place and rolled and toddled along the sidewalk with us. As the stick came to a rest, nothing picked up in its place. So I stopped walking.
Charles Patrick, are you gone? Come back and walk with mommy. I turned around and faced the wind and that's when I saw them. There were hundreds of leaves and sticks and pebbles and blossoms following me on my walk.
It wasn't just a walk with my son, it was a walk with the hundreds of children and babies in Heaven. It was your testimony to me that you are not the only baby in Heaven. I knew at that moment that my balloon launch needed to honor more than just you, baby boy. It was time to swallow my fears and create a public event. I imagined all those little angelic faces saying, "Please invite my mommy and daddy! I want a love note too!"
I promise you with all my heart that this truly happened. I didn't make any part up. The veil is very thin. I love the relationship I still have with you, sweetheart. You are not gone.