Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Sense of Urgency

January 20, 2011
Another appointment today! Its our last appointment at the high-risk doctor until you get here. I'm so excited to see you on your ultrasound today. The nurse did her thing, and then it was back to the little room with the brick wall out the window. I sat there with a little pep in my seat. I was excited to hear about you and how well you are doing. I was excited to hear what good things the doctor was going to tell us today.
Well listen here, you little hefty, you are now at a whopping 4 pounds and 8 ounces! Goodness gracious, big boy. You gained a whole pound and 4 ounces in just 3 weeks. The doctor came in and he had a lot to tell us. He was very anxious and had a lot of urgency in his voice. The pep I felt started to melt away and I could feel my body start to shake. It was like I had cold chills, but I couldn't control the shivers. I was scared.
He said that you have an intermittent absence of blood flow in the cord. That means that sometimes your heart will pump, but there's no blood flowing. He said that sometimes the blood would even back-flow. He said the longer we left you in my belly, the more we risked stillbirth. I looked at Daddy in a panic. He knew I didn't want to induce our labor.
He said he was sending us to see my regular doctor tomorrow and we could hopefully induce on Saturday.
What was two more weeks until I get to meet you, just turned in to two more days. I couldn't stop myself from shaking, and I was embarrassed that the doctor would notice. I rubbed my hands tightly between my knees as I sat on the chair to pretend that I was just cold and trying to warm up. A million thoughts ran through my head. I'm not ready! 
The doctor's urgency and worry was enough to scare me, and I knew we needed to listen to him. He wouldn't let us leave his office until he had set up an appointment with my regular doctor for tomorrow. My regular doctor who I know well and love so much is also on call this weekend, so he would be there for the delivery. The high-risk doctor thought we had the perfect scenario to go ahead and schedule the induction for Saturday. 
Daddy and I walked out of the hospital so silently. I called my momma, your Neena, in tears. I'm not ready to have you on Saturday and things aren't going the way that I wanted them to. I said many, many prayers. Actually I think my mind was saying a constant prayer that just kept going. At night, usually Mommy goes to bed really early and Daddy is a night owl. Well tonight, Daddy went to bed at 8:30 and I stayed up half the night. I couldn't help it; I couldn't sleep! I did laundry, I cleaned, I mopped. I mean, after all, I have to have a clean house if you are coming on Saturday!! I finally came to terms with the idea that I'm going to be induced and I'm meeting you this weekend. Oh my gosh, I'm meeting you this weekend!!!!!


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