Friday, October 19, 2012


December 7, 2010
Daddy and I went to our first childbirthing class. It is being taught by a nurse that will help deliver you. We got to meet her a few weeks ago and she gave us a private tour of the labor and delivery unit of the hospital. I really like her a lot. We have three classes with her that are two hours each. I really want to have you without any drugs or medications. I've been doing my research, and I've read that epidurals can slow the heartrate of a baby. Sweetheart, your heart is our place of most concern. I need to do this without anything tampering with your heart. I'm hoping we learn some things about natural childbirth.
To our surprise, we were shown the birthing videos tonight. I figured she wouldn't scare us first time mommas on the first night of class, but she is breaking us in good. We watched two live births: one with medication and one natural. As she was preparing the video, your daddy was just a squirming in his seat. It was a little funny. He'd shift from one side of the seat to the other side rubbing his head; I think he was nervous about watching these births.
But then the most amazing thing happened, when that baby boy came out of his momma, his eyes were fixed on the T.V. and he said, "Look at that. That is amazing."
It was in the sweetest and most sincere voice. I couldn't help but get teary. Not only because of my sweet husband's reaction, but because I want that so badly. I love you so much, Charles Patrick. It made me long for you. I want you to be born alive. Please, baby boy. Please, be strong. I cannot imagine trying to do this with you already gone. It is my only prayer. Please. There are lots of people praying for you. The whole community is praying for a little boy they've never met. They love you and it silences my soul. I am so humbled at how much they care for you. People I don't know, know you! You are already such an important person. Please hang in there.
I really loved tonight's class. I love learning about what will happen to my body as you prepare to enter into this world. Its all such a miracle. After all, tomorrow I will be 32 weeks. Most babies with T18 do not live past 31 weeks gestation. We are one full week into our miracle, sweet boy. Mommy loves you!


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