Daddy and I woke up early for our 8:30am appointment at the doctor's office. First they did an ultrasound and then we went into the exam room to wait for our doctor. Daddy and I have been talking over the past 2 days. We know that the high-risk doctor was urgent to get you out two days ago, and our regular doctor is hesitant about that idea. We figured we can come to a happy medium. We decided that if our doctor decides to still postpone the induction, we are going to go ahead and schedule it ourselves. We are too worried that something is going to go wrong. I sat there nervous as could be. I have a feeling he is going to want to wait longer.
Finally, he comes in. He shakes both of our hands and leans against the counter and says,
"Well, its time!"
What? In all my years of imagining being pregnant with my first child, I was supposed to say those words. I was supposed to be at home timing my contractions, then walking into the living room and looking at Daddy and saying, "Its time!" Those were my words. But I didn't say them.
My heart sank and was on fire all at once. He asked if we could come back at 5:45 tonight. Oh my goodness, sweetheart, this is it! I'm so excited and so nervous. I started shaking again uncontrollably. I looked at Daddy in a panic again. I wonder how many times I've given him that look lately? :)
Our doctor called Labor and Delivery and told them I'd be there at 5:45. Yikes! We drove home, and Daddy went in to work to finish up a few things. I needed to run a few errands including going to get a mani/pedi. It was an overcast, cold day, so I really wanted to just snuggle up on the couch until time to go back to the hospital. Daddy made me promise to go get my mani/pedi. He wants me to take a little time for myself before you get here. I just wanted pretty manicured toes before my feet are in a bunch of nurses and doctors faces. :-/
I forced myself into the car. I'm glad I made myself go. I made dinner for me and Daddy. Its the last I'll get to eat until after you get here. My meal: plain spaghetti noodles with butter and salt. I'm so nervous, its all I can stomach. I just don't know what to expect and that scares Mommy. I like to know exactly what's going to happen. I just hope and pray we are making the right decision.
This entire pregnancy, I've prayed for you to be born alive. I cannot bear the thought of giving birth to a lifeless baby. It is too much to comprehend. I can't do that. I just can't.
We arrive at the hospital and we're greeted by a quiet, little nurse and the "Is it necessary?" doctor. My stomach knots became stomach rocks. We walked through the winding halls of Labor and Delivery for what seemed and eternity. She took us to the very last room at the end of the last hallway. Room 210. Its a HUGE room. I get in my gown and Daddy laughs every time he sees my bare bottom sticking out of the back of my gown when I go to the bathroom.
At 7:00pm, they start me on a medicine called Cervidil. It is supposed to help soften my cervix so my body will cooperate when they induce me tomorrow. The nurse that's assigned to my room that even is a loud, brisk nurse. She isn't very soft in tone or demeanor. She kept trying to persuade me to take pain medicine. She even said they might go ahead and give me an epidural now. NO WAY! She was a nice nurse, but I didn't know how she wanted me to take medicine so badly. I told her that I was trying to have you without pain meds since they might interfere with your heart rate. She was not supportive of that at all. She said that its usually not possible to do that when you are induced. Thanks. I wish I had a little more support with having you natural. I know its going to be difficult, please support me.
I tried to get some sleep, but it was all in vain. When the clock struck 6:00am the next morning with still not a single wink, I figured it was going to be a long day.
Love,
Mommy
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