Sunday, October 7, 2012

The Call

August 30, 2010
I was on edge all day today. We were waiting on your test results, and I wasn't very sure when to expect the call. Aunt Summer called around 3:50 and my heart jumped into my belly! At about 4:10, the phone rang again.
I felt the blood run out of my face when she uttered the words, "The test was positive for Trisomy 18."
I ran out of the school building. I didn't even grab my school bag. I sat in the car for a moment and just cried. I hated that I was still at school. I called your daddy at work and all I could say was, "KC?" in my whimpering, tearful voice.
He said, "Oh baby! OK, I'm on my way home."
I didn't even have to talk. He knew. Oh how I love that man! I cried and cried the whole ride home. Its only 3 miles, yet it took an eternity. I couldn't understand. The ultrasound looked so good! I literally ran into the house and into your daddy's arms. He is being so strong for me. He just held me while I cried. All my hopes and dreams for you were being shattered by doctors' opinions. I didn't know what to think. We sat there for a long time until I got okay. Daddy is worried about me and you. The doctors also told us of some risks that could happen to me by carrying you. They scared me a little bit and made me think it was a bad idea to continue this pregnancy. They told me of all the health risks and dangers to my own health. I'm not afraid of you, little one. I know you won't hurt me. I'm going to be just fine. I want you to be just fine, too.
After I pulled myself together, I wanted to go see my own Mom and Dad, your Neena and Poppy. They had just gotten in from grocery shopping. We sat there in the studio and told them the news. They were in disbelief too. Everything looked so wonderful on the ultrasound! Its just unreal, how did this happen? We cried together and talked more about what this meant from here on out: lots of doctors appointments and watching Mommy's health. As we were leaving, we hugged and your daddy went on out to the car. Poppy gave me a tight hug and I could tell he was tearing up. He's always considered me his "little one", the one most tender and fragile. But we're going to be okay. I know it completely! If there is one thing I know, its that we are going to be okay.
Daddy and I spent the evening calling the rest of the family to tell them the news. I'm exhausted. Good night, sweet baby, good night.
Love, Mommy


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